Golf

The people of Palmer, in the Arnold system, had agreed to come into the Imperial fold, under one condition: the Emperor had to beat their champion in a game of golf. The Palmerians revered golf as a nearly sacred activity. It was a major cornerstone of their society.
The Primarchs were naturally excited. The Emperor hadn't told them much about golf, save that it had been invented a very long time ago, and that it involved hitting a ball. Konrad was very excited as there were also traps.
They arrived a few days before the game was to take place. A large part of this, the Emperor explained, was to avoid a "Caddyshack" type incident. He explained that in the movie Caddyshack there was an important golf game, that happened while the groundskeeper tried to kill a gopher. The groundskeeper resorted to blowing up the majority of the course, and still failed.
"These gophers sound tricky, Father," the Lion said after listening to the explanation. He and Leman were to spend the days before the game hunting the golf course to ensure there were no animals. "Perhaps we should bomb it from orbit?"
"No," the Emperor said with a chuckle. "We need the course intact for me to play."
"Alright," the Lion sighed. They arrived planet side, and the hunt began.
"Do you think we'll find any gophers?" Leman asked.
"I don't know," the Lion replied. "I haven't seen anything yet."
"Neither have I," Leman said. They passed near one of the water traps and a large crocodilian   creature took a snap at Geri.
The Emperor and the groundskeeper for the chosen course went running when they heard the sound of Leman howling. There was also an excited sound from the Lion, but only the Emperor heard that.
By the time they arrived, the crocodilian was dead. A heated argument about who had dealt the killing blow was in progress instead.
"You can both take trophies from it," the Emperor said, trying to appease both boys. "It is most likely that you each delivered a killing blow."
"Allfather is right," Leman said. The Lion nodded after a moment and they both found teeth they wanted.

*************************

The day of the game arrived, bright and sunny. The Palmerians took this as a positive sign. The Emperor and the champion were presented with ritualistic attire for the event. In this case nice trousers, and brightly colored shirts. There were also white gloves that they each wore. 

Next came the ritual drink. The Primarchs also had some, as it was a mix of tea and lemonade. Leman was a bit disappointed that it wasn't alcoholic, but liked it anyway. The others thought the taste was unusual, but not unpalatable.

The rites of the game observed, it was time for the game to start. The Emperor was allowed to tee off first. It didn't take long for the Primarchs to find the game quite boring. It involved a lot of walking, and being quiet. This last part was truly grating on the Primarchs, they wanted to cheer for their father.

"Is there something else we can do while Father's playing?" Jaghatai asked Malcador.

"There was a pool," Magnus suggested. "If the Palmerians don't find it a breach of protocol."

"I'll ask," Malcador said, turning to an official. "Would it be alright if I took the Lord Primarchs to the pool?"

"Yes," the official said. "The pool is there for children who are wanting to release energy."

"Thank you," Malcador said. He then waved the Primarchs over to him. "We can all go to the pool."

"Alright," Angron said. He was rather disappointed by the game of golf. He thought there would be much more excitement. 

**************************

They stopped at their rooms so that the Primarchs could change into swimwear. There were other children at the pool which made them happy. Malcador found a chair and sat to watch the Primarchs. 

All was going well until something long, thin, and brown appeared in the pool. No one noticed it until it bumped into a girl. She turned around, found the object, and screamed.

"There's a turd in the pool!" the girl shouted. This caused Fulgrim to get out of the pool and do a stilted, quick walk past Malcador to the outdoor showers. Malcador got up and went to talk with Fulgrim. The Primarch hadn't been anywhere near the object in question.

"Who would do that in a pool!?" Fulgrim asked quite loudly. 

"You are fine, Fulgrim," Malcador replied, avoiding the question.

"That doesn't answer the question," Fulgrim whined. 

"There are small children here," Malcador said.

"I guess," Fulgrim said. One of the mothers at the pool let out a scream. 

"Leman or Mortarion?" Malcador muttered to himself. He turned around and found Leman eating the object. "Leman! What are you eating?"

"It's chocolate, Malcador!" Leman called back.

"It was in the pool!" Fulgrim said. "You don't know where else it's been."

"Mortarion! You want to try a bite of this?" Leman asked. Mortarion held his hand out for the apparent chocolate bar.

"That won't tell us anything!" Fulgrim said.

"It might confirm that it's chocolate," Malcador said. Mortarion took a bite of the chocolate.

"It's chocolate alright," Mortarion said. "It's also safe as far as I can tell."

"That's good, I guess," Fulgrim muttered so that only Malcador heard.

"That is still not something that you should be eating, Leman," Malcador said. "It wasn't yours to begin with."

"No one's going to eat it after it's been in the pool," Leman argued. "It may as well not go to waste."

"It should have gone in the trash," Malcador said. "Fulgrim has a point that Mortarion's eating from it doesn't prove anything."

"I guess," Leman said.

"Besides," Malcador continued. "There are other children who are watching us. They now think it's alright for them to eat chocolate that's gotten into a pool. That may not be dangerous for you, but it could be for them."

"You're right, Malcador," Leman said. "I didn't really think about that."

"So you won't do it aga---" Malcador's admonition was cut short by Freki and Geri running behind him and knocking him into the pool. Konrad, who had put the chocolate bar in the pool, began laughing even harder.

"Bad wolves!" Leman called out. Freki and Geri looked back to Leman, seeming a bit confused. Malcador surfaced, clearly displeased with his situation. He hauled himself out of the pool and glared at the wolves. 

"Are you alright, Uncle Malcador?" Magnus asked with a quick glare towards Leman. 

"I'm fine," Malcador said. "Just wet. I think it's time for you to head back to the golf game. They should be nearly done."

"What about you, Malcador?" Lorgar asked, noting Malcador's phrasing.

"I'm changing my robes, and then taking a nap," Malcador said.

"That makes sense," Sanguinius said. Horus lead the way back to where the golf game had progressed to the last hole. 

"How much longer?" Jaghatai asked Valdor when they rejoined the Custodian. 

"They are working out the final score now," Valdor replied. "What happened to Malcador?"

"He got knocked into the pool by Freki and Geri," Magnus said, still annoyed with Leman. 

"I didn't call to them," Leman said. "They came over on their own. I didn't mean for them to knock him into the pool."

"They're your wolves," Magnus said. "You're responsible for them."

"I know I'm responsible for them," Leman said.

"There's no need to argue," Valdor said. "Malcador would have punished Leman if he thought he was at fault."

"They're announcing the final scores," Roboute announced. They all turned their attention to the Palmerian leader who looked a bit concerned.

"We have a tie game," the leader announced. "The game will have to be played again."

"That's annoying," Angron muttered. 

"I saw mini-golf as an option for something to do," Alpharius said.

"I like that idea," Ferrus said.

"Can you take us, Valdor?" Horus asked.

"Alright," Valdor said. He intended to not play himself, only to watch. 

They headed over to where they got balls and clubs for use on the mini golf course. Valdor ended up getting a ball and club when the Primarchs turned pleading eyes on him.

"Alright," Valdor sighed as they headed out to the course. 

They went to the first hole, and sorted out the order that they would be playing in. Valdor determined that he would be going last, regardless of what the Primarchs did. They ended up choosing to go in number order as that was the easiest. 

The first several holes went quite well. The course was a small version of the course that the Emperor was playing on. This included small versions of the water traps. There were also silly things around some of the holes. 

Then there was the hole at the top of a hill. It was very tricky to hit the ball in the right way to go in the hole. This was causing a lot of frustration for the Primarchs. It wasn't alleviated at all by the silliness of Valdor having to use a normal sized club. it helped some of the Primarchs, but Angron was getting more and more frustrated. Eventually, Angron threw his club into a water trap that was near the hole.

"You are going to have to retrieve that," Valdor said. Angron's response was a glare, and then he stomped off to get his club. He had to go diving for it and vanished for a few moments. 

"We still need to finish the hole," Alpharius said.

"Let's just pick up our balls and place them in," Horus said.

"That's cheating though," the Lion said.

"Angron'll have to get his club at least four more times if we don't," Sanguinius said.

"Is that what you see?" the Lion asked.

"It's what I see," Konrad said. He was still pleased he wasn't in trouble for the events at the pool. 

"Very well then," the Lion said. It rubbed his honor wrong to cheat in such a matter, but he didn't want to deal with Angron at that level of angry. Most of them grabbed their balls and put them in the hole. Magnus forced his to go in the hole with his next stroke. Valdor also picked up his ball and put it in the hole. This helped the Lion feel better about the whole situation. 

The rest of the course went fairly smoothly. Angron did manage a hole-in-one at a later hole, which made him very happy. That also got the others to relax a bit as he wasn't as angry as he had been with the hole on the hill. 

"We need to return to your father now," Valdor said after they turned in their balls and clubs. 

"Alright," Horus said. Malcador had returned to the game as well when they arrived. He was standing in the shade of the woods, the lay out of the trees left tiger stripping on the ground. There were a few more holes that they ended up having to watch, but they made it through. This time the Emperor won by a few strokes. The Palmerians honored their agreement to come peacefully to compliance by the outcome of the game.